<www.Dess-Dermondy.blogspot.com>
The mother of my daughters decided she would rather drink
Captain Morgan spiced rum than maintain a marriage so out the door I went. I left with exactly I came into it with, 2 trash bags of dirty laundry, a car and a 702-credit score. Most if not all people who get divorced know that the divorce is coming, it's just a matter of the best exit time. Mine was plain difficult because of my daughters and the whole thing was devastating. I will spare you the details of it all only to address younger people who think a parent is walking away from them. That's not the case in a majority but in a small percentage it is. I tried for several years after the separation to make things work, not because I wanted her back it is because I wanted to be with my girls.
On occasion and becoming more and more frequent I would take rides with my daughter Nicole out to
Revere Beach and hang out seaside while walking up and down the boulevard. Nicole needed more attention than the average child or in my case her twin sisters who are 1 year behind her, so it was like having 3 at once. I would get calls from her mom, "come pick up your daughter. "Entering the apartment, the both of them would whimpering and Nicole would come running with her arms up for me to pick her up, which I would. "Please get her out of here." My big secrete with being able to handle her was taking her walks in a carriage and going for drives in a car. She was a car sleeper or motion sleeper, better put. As soon as you dropped her in a car seat or rocker, she was out cold. Many times, she would fight sleeping all together and become over tired and couldn't sleep in a crib and the only way she would sleep would be go for drives or walks. Today I still get texts at 3 am from her as she fights going to sleep, "hay Dad...what ya doing." Jaclyn will pick up a conversation at 2:30 am were she left off at 4 in the afternoon, texting.
After tormenting her mother, she would be prime for a good nap. She was 2 and everything you heard about terrible 2's is true. It's a brute period that requires a lot of patients, which her didn't have. Another big secrete I had is all 3 would nap at the same time. If 1 wanted to nap earlier than the others I would keep her up until all were ready. When they took a nap so didn't I. As simple as that sounds many people don't do it. If you have one kid your out of topic here. That's a 2 or more thing. (Being able to handle my kids bothered Lee on some sort of personal level). I would also wake them up in the middle of the night when Nicole wanted a bottle. The other two likely would sleep through most of the night but not with Nicole. When she got up, I got all of them up and all got bottles at once. She would wake up every 2 hours. I didn't sleep right for over a year. There are 4 thing a child wants: 1. food 2. attention 3. their diaper changed or 4. remove gas from their bellies. If you try all 4 and if it doesn't work, she's probably sick or has an earache and you will spend a better part of the day holding them. Those were some of my big secretes.
There is old school way of thinking that women are the only parents that can care for children. This is an old way of thinking and today's society doesn't want any more. If you think in these terms you need to understand why younger people look at you with a blank stare when you talk to them. You're not wanted any more old man and your old ways are not valued. My first wife had some sort of resentment towards me because I was able to handle the stress of having kids. She felt she was a woman and it was her divine right to care for kids, the problem was she couldn't handle it. I know many of young dudes today who are completely involved and able to handle taking care of kids more so than the women they are with. Many old school women will at first get pissed reading this but it just a fact.
The recent attack in France is an extreme example of what I'm talking about. These religious fanatics don't like change and advancement of society. It is also why they don't like education because when you educate people they start to question and have open discuss on topics which is an advancement because the wrong whys of thinking are weeded out. Heavy metal and coffee shops represents the new generation, they represent change in their world, this is why they chose these places as targets. Heavy metal because it is new music to them. Coffee shops are where people talk openly about things and meet. I hope you follow me on that. I going to cut the talk short on this subject because it starts to get a bit deep, but I believe you can follow what I'm saying with those points, and it is important for you to think about it and evolve your own thoughts. It tends to stick better rather than just reading someone else views, gut it?
Back to Revere Beach. While traveling with Nicole I had my eye on place call
"The Cove."They had one of those cheap hardware store signs out front that said, "room for rent." The good part was they were located
1/2 a block from the beach. Location, location, location. The beach is filled with
night clubs, pizza joints and fast food take out. Is very active with both young and old, age is no issue. If you can afford to live in Massachusetts and looking for a town with action head for Revere Beach. I say afford because Massachusetts has become what New York is. New York has priced the working class out of the city. New York New York rentals are grossly overpriced, and Massachusetts is not far behind. If your working-class person and looking for an affordable place to live not far from your family, try New Hampshire. You work an average job and afford to live at the same time. An $800 apartment in NH is about $1300 in MA. Today NH is expanding at a rapid rate if you're in the trades. A trend I have noticed is: during the 50 and 60's Boston was expanding, during the 70's 80's inside the route 128 belt was expanding, the 90's it was inside the 495 belt and today it is in New Hampshire. The commercial market is just starting. There is still plenty of room which keeps sale prices lower. In the town I went to High school, Lexington MA, they are tearing down ranch houses to build bigger houses with much bigger prices (there's no land to expand on).
I walked into the Cove to inquire about the room for rent. The Cove was a dimly lite night club that your shoes would stick to the floor as you walked from old, spilled beer. A DJ station that was several feet up from the ground floor overlooking people that was boxed in from view from people below. Rocking Rick manned the DJ station most nights. Carmella, the bar tender said "ya there are 2 open." The rooms were located above the night club which made things convenient. I chose a room that was near the fire escape because it was set apart from the other rooms which I thought would be quieter. It wasn't the music from the DJ would bounce off the rear of the building which I was above and made a rumble that kept me up most nights until midnight when they would start to cool the place off for the night. On a couple of occasions, I chatted with Rocking Rick on why he had the music so loud on Monday nights, pointing out that there is no one in the joint. "Dess, the owner/manager wants me to maintain a certain atmosphere in the club each and every night whether or not there are people in attendance." The cost of the room was $110 per week which at the time was about $10 more than the going rate but the location you couldn't beat. I didn't have to drive to head out for the night and a walk down the beach was all that was needed. Generally, I would prime up at the Cove and then head out. The Cove was filled with a mixture of characters. Rock and Rollers, bikers, motorcycle club members, construction workers, locals and lots and lots of party girls. One of the first person I would hook up with was a dude who went by the name of Mike Mass. He was in tune with the Metal scene and was in the business of having women pay his rent. He showed me around the beach and showed me who was who. Our regular spot became a place called "The Tank" and the Metal scene that was starting to take root. The Tank was a half decent club with a capacity of about 500. Fairly large for local music. Today the club is called H2O. Managed by Chris who was always tolerant and inviting mainly because Mike did most of the promoting for the club. It was 1997 and promoting meant cold calling people to get them to show there was no internet and social networking as we know it today, the internet was around but not everyday use. Mike was capable of filling the club by making phone calls to people to get them to show. He had an address book loaded with names and would spend a better part of his time making contacts. Me and many other people would buy Mike a beer to keep him fueled during the night. He didn't maintain employment. This oddly occurred to me one night when he sat next to me at a table put his fore arms on his thighs inter laced his fingers together, looked at the floor and asked me what it was like holding a full-time job. The funny part he wasn't joking he was dead serious. It turned out he had never maintained full time employment. I explained the negatives of waking up every day but in the long run it payed off because I normally had money in my pocket. "Ya, I see, "in deep thought. A couple of years later the manager of the club Chris offered him an opportunity for a career in the family business of a marine mechanic which Mike jumped on board. If you're a local band from those times or today you should shake Mike's hand, he played a large part in helping to establish the Metal scene of Revere Beach that is still going on today at
Sammy's Patio. I lost contact with Mike and can't find him on the internet. I've seen his sister but am afraid to ask. The last I heard he was on his 3rd heart attach trying to keep up with everyone, that was years ago.
Some of my personal favorite bands were(in no particular order):
Bad Mother Seed, Barrel of Monkeys,
Uncle Freak and a rock and roll band called
Boston Brats( they were grandfathered into the Metal scene). Another metal band called
Godsmack played several times at the Tank before taking flight. I had a brief relationship with a groupie of Godsmack named Susan who would play their CD in 1998 before they took flight. Susan would travel around to the Red Rooster,
Wally's Pub and the Tank snapping photos of the band in action, she most likely has a large collection of early days of the band. I was an equal fan of the local bands including Godsmack at about the same level. We were hanging around Fleetwood Studios one night when talk of who was going to back the band up in their upcoming tour when I mentioned that most likely the band has no say in it and that the record company will be telling them. You don't get that sort of control until your 3rd CD at least that was true back then. A second brief relationship I had in those days was with a stripper named Brittney. She was the number one at
King Arthur's Lounge(Latino dudes of Chelsea would debate me on that, some of the Caribbean women were smoking hot). My failure was trying to maintain an off and on-again relationship with my daughter's mother. Man did I blow it.
Boston Brats were a highly entertaining band that almost too flight. I believe one of the main reasons for not taking flight was their studio album. It did not capture the energy of the band. A groupie of the band gave me their compact disc and a hand full of trinkets baring the band's name and logo (coasters, drink mixers and assorted odd items, one of those things you throw out and latter wish you didn't). I first became aware of "capturing" a sound and understanding how important it is by Kiss. In my opinion the CD was over produced. I remember playing it and popping the CD back out several times to see if the CD was theirs and not some other band. Someone put a large amount of money into the album, but the album failed to capture what the band was actually like. If they liked what they seen and heard with the band, then why did they change that with the CD. If what attracted, you to the sound the band makes try to capture that and not change it. I get the impression the producer was paid hourly and maximized the number of billable hours. Bad Mother Seed is or was, not sure which another great band with pure old school Metal groove. Last I heard the sing was talking of moving to Waltham MA and that was the last I heard of them other than they released a CD in 2008 "puff." That CD captures what the band is like, 100% perfection. If anybody knows what if anything is going on with that band leave in the comments section and I will gladly link. Tommy Lanzillo's "Uncle Freak" was capable of packing a 600-person club which is pretty remarkable for a local band.
The jack ass whistling at this show was me, sorry Tommy I was under the influence. There was trouble with the sound early on that night, so I interrupted the set and positioned the mics the way they are supposed to be, at an angle and not pointing directly at speakers which I constantly see bands do. I'm not an expert but do know some things. Capture the sound as it goes by the mic. I learned that at some formal training I had in sound engineering. Pro mic set ups you will notice today have that angle built into the mounts for drums mics. It makes sense if you sit back and think about it. The sound waves are hitting a brick wall if you point the mic directly at the speakers because of peaks and high amount of compression added to combat them which will dull the sound (forget it way too much info). Anyways, felt I needed to inject that. The trouble Tommy had was he wanted to do it all himself. Many people do this and eventually burn out. If people are willing and looking to help the band out ya know what? Let them, it will relieve some of the stress upon you as a band leader. And don't expect perfection and criticize every small mistake, most people in the crowd don't know the mistake was made only musicians notice and they know better than to point it out. If you don't like the mistakes being played live, then blame yourself for not holding more frequent rehearsals. Apparently, they are needed and that's how you lead. Pointing the finger at others is not how it's done. Remember some of your biggest critics are your biggest fans. As far as Barrel of Monkeys, as of this writing, there is no internet presence and the band that comes up while searching is not the one I mentioned (I was hoping to link to some reference, none).
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